im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
