I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
even my farts smell like vagina
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize