Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
