There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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