So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
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