She is in my trunk
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
