dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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