I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
