My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
