it was like his penis was on wheels.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
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