he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
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