Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
