just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
You're like the curious george of whores
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Randomize
