in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Randomize
