Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
