Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
