y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize
