I am in a vortex of obligation.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Is it because I queefed?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
