Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
