So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
