Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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