I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
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