got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
