Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Randomize
