There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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