dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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