I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
