my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
