Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
