Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
40s are totally the cure
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Randomize
