you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
