From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Boobs are out for the taking
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Randomize
