Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
