i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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