chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Randomize
