Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
