I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
the condom got lost in my hair
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
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