I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
