remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
