you guys were way drunker than both of me
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
