Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize
