She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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