We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
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He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
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I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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