He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
