i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Gay?
German.
Pity.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
