That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize