fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
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