I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Randomize
