It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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