girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
Randomize
