i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
