Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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