All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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