and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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