I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
How does one acquire holy water?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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