Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
where are you?
Hypothermia
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Randomize
