i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
