my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
