How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
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