Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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