so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
I need to align my fucking chakras
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
