I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
