Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
