Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Randomize
