i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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