she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
