but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
