I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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