I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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