Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
