you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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