Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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