Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
where am i from again
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
