your thong is hanging out like whoa
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
