Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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