xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
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