So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
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