In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode