so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.