This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..